According to analysts, the cost of sending out an unambiguous message has risen dramatically due to new Royal Mail guidelines. Gordon Brown is now looking for six hundred twenty billion and forty-eight million pounds in order to keep the 3.2 million cannabis users in the UK jailed for 5 years.The current prison population of Britain in 2003 was around 80,000, with prisons overcrowded to accomodate criminals. The new strategy would see a 4000% rise in prison population.
"absoloutely fucking ridiculous"
Expanding upon Jack Straw's controversial prison programme, the cost of building the extra prisons needed to accomodate the 3.2 millions users would be seven hundred and thirty-one billion four hundred twenty-eight million five hundred seventy-one thousand four hundred twenty-nine pounds, or £731428571429.
This would bring the total cost to one trillion three hundred and fifty-one billion four hundred and seventy-six million five hundred and seventy-one thousand and four hundred and twenty-nine pounds.
Brown commented that this was "...a small price to pay if it sent out an unambiguous message that cannabis use is unnacceptable".When asked who will fill the 3.2 million jobs that will become available he commented, "I think I know a Polish family who are more than capable of filling those jobs".
The move comes after it was discovered that some 80% of street cannabis is now the highly dangerous 'skunk' form of the drug, some 30 times stronger than Grant Mitchell and some 13 times more likely to steal your Grandma's purse and stab her senseless.
More recently it emerged that it is logically possible that Madeline Mccan's parents were smoking skunk and slapping eachother silly the night the child went missing, and because they aren't Labour Cabinet members it is likely to have had profound and dangerous effects.
Further proposals have been announced today that would do away with the pointless beaurocracy that police must endure in order to arrest smokers; under new laws time consuming body searches and drug tests would be scrapped and police would be given powers to arrest anyone who looks "like a bit of a hippy".
